Taking the first step

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Lots of us have a big dream or goal in our heads which rarely, if at all, comes to fruition. Something holds us back from just going for it. It could be that your dream is so huge it seems unobtainable. however, you are never going to know if you don't try.  Taking the first step can seem daunting but here it is broken down into a few easy steps which should get you on the road to achieving your goals and dreams.

The first step

The very first thing you should do if you are going to work towards your dreams and make them come true is get them out of your head and clearly defined.

Think about your dream. Write it down

Now take a closer look at it. Is it a big dream? Is it big enough to get you excited about working towards it? Do you feel passionate about achieving it?

When do you want to achieve it by? Set yourself a deadline that is both challenging and realistic. Otherwise you will drift and drift, time will pass by and you’ll never get round to it.

Are you prepared to do the work you need to do to make your dream a reality? If you are prepared to work at it and make changes then you are almost certain to succeed.

Is your dream a personal one?  The only person you have the power to change is yourself. That’s not to say that you shouldn’t try if your dream is to have a great relationship. Of course you should.

Break down the dream into manageable steps and do one at a time. Each step you take will get you just that bit nearer to your dream.

Get someone to hold you to account. Whether it’s a coach, friend or family member, imagine telling that person you haven’t done your actions. How would that feel? It feels so much better when you can report that you have completed the tasks you said you would.

Think how you will reward yourself when the dream has come true. Sometimes reaching your goal is reward in itself but if that’s not going to be enough for you then plan something you’ll enjoy and will make it worth your while.

Enjoy working towards your dream – after all you are aiming for something you really want so even if it’s difficult to get there, you know it’ll be worth it in the end.

Caroline Love

www.stepoffyourstilettos.co.uk 

Do you need help to use your time more effectively and productively? Have you ever tried coaching? Would you like to?

The wonders of technology mean it doesn't matter where you live.

Contact me to arrange a free consultation about my coaching services. My step by step programme will help you get more from your allotted hours and give you time for happiness and joy in your life. Send me a message or email Caroline@carolinelove.co.uk  

The things we do for our children!! - Or the real reason I am passionate about work life balance

As a work life balance coach I am passionate about making sure that life is not all work, work, work and pressure to get things done all the time. I am sure that we all feel guilt when we're unable to make a school assembly due to work, or not able to get home in time to have dinner with our family.  Life can be so busy that we don't have time to catch up with our friends, maybe they stop calling because we're always too busy to  see them or make time to chat.

Sometimes, something happens which makes us completely re-evaluate what life is all about. This post is the real reason I am passionate about work life balance. Sometimes we need to make sure we are not just making money at work, but making memories at home. Living in the present and making the most of now, instead of putting off things like enjoying ourselves, our families, our children and our friends.

When he was 10 years old, my son saw an advert in the local paper for people who were interested in wing walking. Utterly Butterly, who were sponsoring the planes at the time were looking for people to join their display team and take part in aerial displays at fetes and events all over the country. 

Just in case you didn’t know, wing walking is where a display team member stands on the top of a plane while it performs aerobatics.

Very excited at the prospect of standing on top of a plane and undeterred by his tender age, David submitted his CV together with a picture and application to the display team.  You can probably imagine that the response which came back stated that he was too young at the time and to reapply when he was older.

This year it would be David’s 21^st birthday and if he hadn’t applied to join the display team, he probably would have had a wing walk for his birthday.

Sadly, 8 years ago David died just days before his 13^th birthday. We remember him everyday, but birthdays are especially hard. I don’t know what he would be like now but I’m pretty sure that wing walking would still be something he’s want to do.  I have decided, as a tribute to David, to do the wing walk on his behalf and raise money for charity. I’m pretty terrified but as he’s not here to do it for himself I am going to do it for him.

My charity

The charity I have decided to raise money for is the Child Death Helpline. The Child Death Helpline is a helpline for anyone affected by the death of a child of any age, from prebirth to adult, under any circumstances, however recently or long ago.

The Child Death Helpline is staffed by volunteers, all of them bereaved parents.

All volunteers are trained, supervised and supported by professional teams within Great Ormond Street Hospital for Children NHS Trust, and the Alder Hey Children’s NHS Foundation Trust.

The helpline is a partnership between professionals and parents working together to provide a professional service to anyone affected by the death of a child of any age. 

The phone numbers are: 

Freephone 0800 282 986   Freephone number for mobiles 0808 800 6019

How to help

I would really appreciate your help in raising money for a cause I believe in and which has helped so many. If you would like to help me in my challenge please do visit my Just Giving page http://justgiving.com/Caroline-Love1 - Even a small donation contributes to making a big difference.

Best wishes
Caroline 

Caroline Love

www.stepoffyourstilettos.co.uk 

Back to school

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With all the exam results being published at the moment, there are lots of education opportunities around. College prospectuses and information about clearing and university courses abound. First year university students are preparing to leave home for the first time to study and the words ‘Back to School’ are emblazoned everywhere. 

It’s a really good time to be thinking about any education you need to reach your goals. Did you make a New Years resolution to learn Spanish? Do you want to make big changes to your life that will be helped along by training?  Will having a certificate, A Level, Diploma or Degree ease the path into your next career or life stage?  Or do you want to learn something just for the sake of informing yourself? Taking up art, music or other new activity will give you something to think of other than work and will be hugely beneficial when you are looking for a way to relax and let your hair down.

Learning as a mature person.

Look at your overall goals – is education one of the stepping stones to reach them. What exactly do you need to learn?

What is your preferred mode of study?  The education and training industry has changed hugely and there are many more ways you can study at your own convenience, so you can really make your learning fit into your lifestyle.  You can choose from college, university, distance learning, correspondence course, online learning or employing your own personal tutor.

What space do you need to make so you can study? Do you need to find time or find a physical place to study? It helps to consider all these things before you take on a commitment and find you can’t cope when the assignments start coming in. Time management is an essential skill for all students but even more so for mature students who may be juggling work, families and studying all at the same time.

Preparing to study. Get organised – develop systems to help you manage yourself during studying will ensure things run as smoothly as possibly. Make a schedule and stick to it.  Learning some study skills will really help you to make the most of your education and reduce the pressure.

Tackle technology head on – Don’t be scared of using technology to help you with your education. There are a myriad of apps and computer programs which will help you manage your studying. Ask your college or university to help you get to grips with them.

What will you gain from going back to school?  Quite apart from the subject area that you are interested in, you will meet new friends and gain confidence in your abilities from taking on a new challenge. So you will probably get more than you ever bargained for.

Staying motivated. If you are taking on a challenging and lengthy course there may be times when you feel stressed and demotivated.  This is the time to remember the reason for taking it on in the first place and what you will gain at the end. Seek support from people around you, your family and fellow students. Keep a record of your achievements – when you are feeling the pressure look back over them and see just how far you have come.

Take a break – When you have assignment deadlines, work deadlines and family screaming for attention it is almost inevitable that you will feel overwhelmed at some point. Don’t be afraid to take a break. You will come back refreshed and motivated.  In fact it is a good idea to schedule in breaks throughout the course of your study which should be sacrosanct.

Happy studying!

Caroline Love

www.stepoffyourstilettos.co.uk 

Do you need help to use your time more effectively and productively? Have you ever tried coaching? Would you like to?

The wonders of technology mean it doesn't matter where you live.

Contact me to arrange a free consultation about my coaching services. My step by step programme will help you get more from your allotted hours and give you time for happiness and joy in your life. Send me a message or email Caroline@carolinelove.co.uk  

Job Satisfaction - Key to Work Life Balance

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People often don’t recognise that their work life balance is out of kilter until they experience the negative effects that working too long can bring.

Job satisfaction is one of the keys to a better work life balance, so how can you ensure that you get fulfillment from your work? Studies have shown that trouble at work is more likely to be brought home than the reverse. So it’s important to get the work part right.

Values

Make sure your work is aligned with the values that you hold dear.  A mismatch between values and roles will eventually diminish any enjoyment you get from your job. Things may start off ok but if you carry on working against your principles you will become stressed and unproductive leading to even less job enjoyment.

Variety

Variety is the spice of life – and never is this truer than of your work. Adding a little variety into your working day will ensure you don’t get bored and complacent with your job.  Doing the same thing over and over will make you feel like you are on a hamster wheel – you keep on running but never getting anywhere. Altering your routine every now and then will help to keep things fresh.

Feedback

Feedback from a boss or colleague can be very motivating. Positive feedback is great, but even if it is negative you will be able to find ways to improve and develop yourself.

Responsibility

The appropriate amount of responsibility for your job role can really add to the satisfaction you derive from it.  However it can be a fine balance, too much and you will feel stressed, to little and you will become bored and unmotivated.  Ask your boss for more responsibility if you feel you can handle the challenge.

Rewards.

Apart from the obvious reward of salary, benefits such as education and training, opportunities for promotion and self development can make a job very rewarding.

We spend a large proportion of our 168 hours a week at work so it is vital to ensure that as far as possible it is a job we like and enjoy. 

Ask yourself if you are in the right job –  if the answer is no, think about how you can rectify that.    

Caroline Love

www.stepoffyourstilettos.co.uk 

Do you need help to use your time more effectively and productively? Have you ever tried coaching? Would you like to?

The wonders of technology mean it doesn't matter where you live.

Contact me for details of my step by step programme which will help you get more from your allotted hours and give you time for happiness and joy in your life. Send me a message or email Caroline@carolinelove.co.uk  

What can hiring a coach do for me?

Why should I hire a coach?

I often come across people who are stressed, overwhelmed, all in a spin, who want to  make changes to develop or improve some area of their life. Of course as I am a coach I speak to them about coaching and how it can help make the changes needed. 

The response can be “I don’t need a coach, I know what I should be doing”  To which I would say, “if you know what you should be doing, then why aren’t you?”  Of course there are a myriad of reasons that people are not doing what they know they could do to get them to their goals.

One of the principal things a coach will offer is accountability. When you agree a plan of action with your coach, they will, on your following contact, ask you if you have completed your actions.  It’s a bit like having your own personal line manager.  Can you imagine explaining to your manager (current or previous) that you haven’t completed an agreed action because you couldn’t be bothered, other things took priority or you just didn’t make the time. It would be pretty unthinkable in my book, and I would feel very uncomfortable in that situation.

We often set ourselves tasks which are never finished, or even started in some cases. This is a bit like breaking a promise to yourself.  My clients complete the actions they set themselves purely because they know I will ask how they are getting on. We have also already established that they are motivated to do them. They know I will hold them accountable for tasks which they have set themselves. Taking action is the only way to complete your goals.

At the beginning of our working relationship it is made very clear that my clients are responsible for taking action themselves. However, having my support to take action makes life so much easier for my clients that they are able to achieve positive results much quicker than they would have otherwise.

There are many other ways in which a coach can help you get out of your own way and make those changes - but more of that next time

Caroline Love

www.stepoffyourstilettos.co.uk 

How do you spend your time?

Do you feel you are always chasing your tail and there aren’t enough hours in the day?  Have you ever taken a really good look at how you spend your time?

Pick a typical couple of days and record how you spend your time. Use a table like the one below. At the end of every hour record in the appropriate box how you’ve spent your time. Whether it’s been at home doing housework, time with your children, eating, having a cuppa, commuting, at work, chatting round the water cooler, relaxing, surfing the net, emails, chatting online, Facebook or Twitter, productive or unproductive time. Make sure you write EVERYTHING! 

Have a look at the ways you spend your time. Are there any surprises in there? Do you spend more time than you realised on things which are not such a good use of your time?

Do you need to make some changes?

8.00-9.00
9.00-10.00
10.00-11.00
11.00-12.00
12.00-1.00
1.00-2.00
2.00-3.00
3.00-4.00
4.00-5.00
5.00-6.00
6.00-7.00
7.00-8.00
8.00-9.00
After 9.00

What surprised you about how you spend your time?

Caroline Love

www.stepoffyourstilettos.co.uk 

Have you ever tried coaching? Would you like to?

The wonders of technology mean it doesn't matter where you live.

A strategy session with me is completely free. Send me a message to arrange one.

Don't be a door mat

Saying 'no' nicely

Do you feel like you are always being asked to do things that you don’t have time for, are not skilled enough for or that someone else would be better at, just because you are known for always saying yes?

When you are pushed for time and juggling your priorities it’s easy to take on more than you are capable of doing. After all who hasn’t heard the phrase ‘if you want something done ask a busy person'?

Taking on too much adds strain to your already busy life – you will definitely be stressed if you take too much on, but it may also stress or make you feel guilty if you do manage to say no.

There are some things you have to say yes to, and these should form part of your expected responsibilities as a worker, friend or family member.  However, you need to respect yourself and your own time and energy. After all if you don’t have respect for yourself how can you expect anyone else to respect you?

The ability to say no applies both in work and out of it.  It is your choice whether or not to comply with someone else’s requests

Before you say ‘yes’ think of these

• Does the request fit in with your own priorities?
• Do you really have time to say yes?
• Has someone only asked you because they know you’ve always said yes in the past?
• Are you just being asked because someone can’t be bothered to do something themselves
• Who is the task really important to?

Saying ‘no’ nicely

• Be polite but firm – No sorry I can’t.
• Offer a compromise if appropriate e.g. if you are being asked to do something at work ask what other task will be taken away instead
• A reasoned no – I’m sorry but that’s not my area of expertise
• Thanks but – Thank you for asking me but I don’t have time to do that right now

You may want to rehearse saying no a few times to yourself if you think it'll be difficult. Say it out loud to yourself in the mirror with confidence until you believe it.

Imagine how great you'll feel when you've practiced saying no a few times and are seeing the results.

Caroline Love

www.stepoffyourstilettos.co.uk 

Have you ever tried coaching? Would you like to?

The wonders of technology mean it doesn't matter where you live.

A strategy session with me is completely free. Send me a message to arrange one.

7 Ways to increased confidence

We could all do with a bit of a confidence boost sometimes.  Increased confidence can do wonders for your performance both in and out of work.

Try some of these ways you give you a lift

1. Think of the times you've been successful. Make a list of them and refer back to it when you’re feeling uncertain. Celebrate your successes. You don’t need to keep telling everyone about them (unless they ask) but do keep reminding yourself.

2. Act confident. As you act more confidently, people will see you as confident and your confidence will build as a consequence. It you don’t know how to do it then look at people you admire for their confidence. What do they do, what do they say, how do they hold themselves?

3. Smile more. A smile lights up your face and it’s very difficult to feel unconfident when you’re smiling. A smiling face will also draw people to you and some will smile back, which is a big boost.

4. Look after yourself.  You deserve it.  Wear something you know makes you look great, eat healthily, exercise more.   Looking and feeling good will give you a huge lift and your confidence will increase.

5. Say no sometimes – we all get asked to do things we don’t want to do or don’t fit in with our plans, but when you are constantly saying yes to things you don’t want to do you start to feel put on, or taken for granted. Learn how to say no to people. Don’t be afraid, you have nothing to be afraid of. Just watch the reaction on their face after you've said it the first time and there will be no going back.

6. Play to your strengths. Know what you are good at and expose yourself to these opportunities at every opportunity – because you’re good at it, you’ll enjoy it and have more confidence.

7. Compliment other people. Think of the times people have complimented you. How did you feel? Did you get a warm glow inside? Well it feels just as good to give compliments at it does to receive them.

Enjoy your increased confidence and everyone around you will too.

Caroline Love

www.stepoffyourstilettos.co.uk 

Have you ever tried coaching? Would you like to?

The wonders of technology mean it doesn't matter where you live.

A strategy session with me is completely free. Send me a message to arrange one.

Getting the balance right

Work life balance

Is your life in balance?  What does balance mean to you?  It’s different for everyone.  For me it’s when all the facets of your life are the way you want them.  Often there is too much happening on one side of the scale which then affects all the other areas you want to spend time on.

If you are spending too much time at work then you may become stressed, your relationships with other people are affected and you may, in extreme cases, experience burnout.

So what can you do to bring about more balance? 

The very first thing you need to do is decide what balance looks like to you. Think about all the areas of your life that need to be fitted in.  They could be, working, sleeping, having fun with friends, time with family, doing the admin type stuff that makes life run smoothly, spiritual needs, personal development, etc etc. This list will look different for everyone depending on your priorities.  What proportion of your time would you like to spend on each area?  If you don’t know what your ideal balance looks like, how will you know when you’ve achieved it?

Is your time management up to scratch? This is a big area to work on but it’s surprising how those times spent unproductively add up. If you really take stock of how you spend your time there are bound to be a few places where you can save those precious minutes, which will all combine to make an amount of time you can do something with.

Think really seriously about why you work in the first place. What is your motivation? Who/what are you doing it for? Are you working hard to buy things you don’t need or want to impress people you don’t like?

It’s important to think of balance as a long term thing. Inevitably there will be times when you are working every hour. If that’s the case the you must make ensure that you schedule in some rest and recuperation time too. 

Getting the balance right will sometimes be a challenge but if you remember why you want it and what it looks like for you, you’ll realise how important it is to work to achieve the balance that is right for you. 

www.stepoffyourstilettos.co.uk

Contact me to discuss work life balance coaching and find time for the things you want to do as well as the things you have to do.

Caroline Love

Are you overwhelmed?

Overwhelm – bury or drown beneath a huge mass/defeat completely

ARRRGHHHH!  Are you drowning in something? Too much going on in your life? Too much work? Not enough time to do all those things which seem so important?

How did this happen? – all of a sudden those things which seemed manageable individually have piled up into one anxiety making and all engulfing frenzy. You feel stressed and the stress impacts your performance making the pile greater and grow faster than you can tackle it.

You know that feeling when you’re thinking ‘stop the world I want to get off’ – take steps now to eliminate overwhelm and make your life a bit easier. What can you do? Here are a few ideas.

1. Take 10 minutes to dump all that stuff in your brain that you have to do onto a piece of paper. – There, now you don’t need to keep remembering it. Just not having to remember everything will be much less exhausting.

2. Prioritise. Look at all those things you’ve written down and categorise them into what really needs to be tackled straight away and what is not so urgent. 
1. Look at the urgent things. They might be urgent but are they important?  Are they really urgent, are they someone else’s priority. Is there anything you can delegate?
2. Look at the rest of the list – do those things really need to be done or are they the little things which would be nice if you had the extra time.

3. Let go of perfectionism.  It’s a luxury that people with nothing else to do can afford. I’m not saying you shouldn’t pay attention to detail but if a task is done to a good enough standard and you can get it off your list you’ll feel great about crossing another thing off.

4. Organise.  Get into the habit of becoming more organised so you can spread those tasks over the times that are less busy. If you leave everything to the last minute it’s a recipe for causing stress that can be avoided. Additionally if you leave an important task to the last minute, there’s no room for those really urgent things that crop up – like illness.

5. Learn to say no! Often people become overwhelmed because they feel unable to say no to requests 

6. Get moving. Go for a walk for 10 minutes, it’ll clear your head and refresh your mind which will make you better able to confront that long list of jobs.

www.stepoffyourstilettos.co.uk

Work life balance coaching for busy people.

Contact me to hear about my latest special offer 

caroline@carolinelove.co.uk

All change

The start of a new year is traditionally a time when we resolve to  change our ways somehow. How often do you resolve to get fitter, stop smoking, lose weight, find more time, have more fun etc etc and by the end of January you are back to your old habits again?

Lots of us are in the habit of making big lists of resolutions which get put to the back of our minds or overlooked as we become overwhelmed with the amount of challenges we’ve set ourselves.

Does this sound a bit like you? How do you think you can make the changes you want?

Be selective: if you have 10 resolutions that you’d quite like to keep you are likely to become overwhelmed with the amount of work you have to do to make all those changes and not keep any of them. It’s far better to concentrate on one or at most two areas that you are completely passionate about and focus your attention on them.  If you find that you have achieved your resolution, you can always select more to fill the gap.

Write down your resolution as a goal: Studies show that goals written down are more likely to be completed.  You can display it somewhere noticeable and seeing it regularly will remind you of your aims.

Be specific, state it positively and give yourself a deadline. Rather than saying I need to lose weight, say I will weigh X kilos by the end of May. This give you a much better idea of how you are doing with your resolution. If you just say lose weight how will you know when you’ve succeeded? A deadline will really help you focus your efforts.

Think of how things will change for you once you have completed your resolution. If for example you are aiming to lose weight, how will you feel when you’ve done it? What will the people around you be noticing and saying?

Break down your resolution into manageable steps. They all add up.  For example if losing weight is what you wish to do, think about the different things that need to be tackled, e.g.healthy eating, eating less, exercising more. 

If you start losing heart always think of just one thing which would take you closer to your desired result and do it.

Remember that keeping your resolutions involves changing your behaviour in some way. If you always do the things you did before then nothing will change.

For extra help making those difficult changes consider working with a coach.

www.stepoffyourstilettos.co.uk